We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize