i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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