Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
