rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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