yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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