Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
