that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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