as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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