do herpes really smell.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
