when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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