Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
