Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
