Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
