I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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