I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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