Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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