if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize