Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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