My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to sanitize my soul.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
