everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
