So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
