What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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