Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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