If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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