So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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