All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize