remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
