oh god the rape fog is back!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
