i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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