Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
