I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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