brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
