I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
