I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
