yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
