Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
