he was CRYING into my vagina
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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