how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
