at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Couch. On fire.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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