Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
