I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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