the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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