So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
