I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
