the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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