Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
