Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
