Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
