oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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