well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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