Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
