so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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