you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
