even my farts smell like vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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