My friends, they love my intelligence
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
