Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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