Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize