Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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