yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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