Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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