I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
