shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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