I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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