that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize