Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
