So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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