Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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