i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
