Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize