I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
