I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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