some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
