I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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