Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
