Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
