dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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