I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
