remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
