She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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