Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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