alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
