i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
