Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
