Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
