Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
