hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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