I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
