O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize