It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
