i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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