After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
