Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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