I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
