I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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