i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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