so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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