Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
