Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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