My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
