oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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