I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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